It wasn’t my intention to make this post, of several drafts going, my first publish. But then I thought, for my hello to old friends and a wave to new friends alike, why not start here…
I could tell you the insane story on my most recent year. Pages and pages….
I’ve joked with my girlfriends that I really could publish a horror novella based on my last 12 months and call it “You just can’t make this shit up”…. But then all of the sudden Pfizer would be calling me up to make me an endorsement deal to become the face for Xanex after the book goes viral and turns into a global phenomenon, and Kristin Stewart would be begging for a script for the movie adaptation to secure her casting role…. and well, I just can’t handle that kind of fame guys…
Truth is, it’s just messy life. Nobody cares. Seriously. The one underlying thing that honestly pisses me off about this last year is that there is not a single thing that happened this year that made me a better me.
Considering I’m all about personal growth and development, and my mission going into 2019 was to significantly improve a couple of areas in my life and the needle went the opposite way, plus add in all of the flat-out crazy, trust me when i say that I have analyzed and reflected on all of the situations to find a sliver of silver lining.
Maybe I’m not a better me as a result, but I am certainly a fiercely fueled me. Or even better yet, FED UP me.
So I have recently discovered Medium. To say that I love Medium is an understatement, but that’s not the point in this post- I will definitely talk about that later though. The point is that my suggested reading list is changing my life. It’s been focused on a concept I have been completely obtuse to until now. Want to hear it?
“Amanda, shut-up already. Oh, and now that you’re free’d up of yourself–stop planning it all out and just start doing it.”
I’ve been doing it wrong all of this time! I’ve been making myself miserable trying to make me “Better”. I’ve spent gobs of time identifying this huge laundry list of what’s wrong with me that needed to be “fixed”.
Funny thing folks, in order to do that you have to spend a lot of time being incredibly critical of yourself. Lots of negative self-speak going on. When you tell yourself you suck, you start to believe it. And then you actually start to suck because you will naturally sabotage to be what you believe you actually are.
So Fed Up and zip-lipped is a really liberating place to be.
I wasn’t looking for affirmation that I really am in this place in my life, but I met my husband for dinner last night and he mentioned that he’s noticed a huge difference in me since I got “the case of the f*-its.” and that he is really relieved to see it. I didn’t even know I was there, whatever ‘there’ is that you want to call it, but guys-I haven’t even told him about the businesses yet!!
Wild. So I’m shutting up. And I’m going to write alllll about it!