Trenches

As the weather turns gorgeous – cool in the mornings, warm in the afternoon, coolish in the evenings – I find myself getting very stir crazy from my home office chair. It could have something to do with the fact that I’m working about 70 hours a week and I just started going back to school again. I know I know – I said I would never go back, but here I am once again. Career move, you just can’t say ‘no thank you’ when they say “here’s a grant, we want you to go.” Ummmmm…

I’m counting the days until my vacation! My looong-awaited vacation, one that I have not taken in a year. My foot is half out of the door already folks!

So where have I been? Please see above, lol. Thank you for all of those of you who stayed with me even while I was away and haven’t posted in such a long time. I think about writing often, but sometimes I just don’t know what to say, what in essence that others would like to hear. Is it boring to hear that I’m working so much and going to school? Yes probably. So what else has filled my life during this span and which has me contemplative today? Let’s see…

Balance. Oh the ever so elusive balance that we all strive so hard for. Purpose. What’s it all for? Why am I doing the things I’m doing every day-what’s my end-game? Idols. M-o-n-e-y, the root of all evil in my life. The source of all that keeps me up at night and drives my purpose to make more of it so I can get myself out of the mess I’ve created. Not exactly the purpose for my life I was looking for…

So I’m taking a little break, sitting here on the front deck of my house and enjoying the weather before a conference call, and sipping my coffee as I write this post. Thinking to myself, is this what I want out of life? Is this where I should be at 40? This certainly isn’t where I expected to be at that is for sure. Unhealthy, a slave to my checkbook, and essentially living in a chair in the front room of my house.

I really need to explore how I can break this habitual cycle of mine, which is to fall into the trenches-claw my way out-get lazy once I’m coasting-only to find myself back in the trenches again, looking for a foot hold to climb out.

So what comes first? That’s what I’m trying to figure out.

But right now my coffee is cold and my conference call is ready to begin, so I suppose I’ll have to save this contemplation for a little later…

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