Money. Credit. Debt.
Money. We all need it.
Credit. We’re like, not even a valid person if we don’t have any nowadays.
Debt. The root of ALL evil and what keeps me up at night. In a cold, fear-drenched sweat.
I read a saying tonight that says “A year from now all the things you’re stressing about right now won’t even matter.” Ppsha-this kind of debt will follow me around for years!
I can only pray my second job keeps us from having to swipe that damn credit card any more, although it has become clear I can’t get by with only two days a week, I need to work three at least to make any headway…
I just feel like every month we get deeper in the hole and I just don’t have any sight as to how I can make headway, for real. Inevitably something comes up every month. Like right now we desperately need a new dryer. We’ve had ours serviced and it still takes three cycles to dry a load of clothes! That’s killing our already ridiculous power bill of a whopping $450 a month! We’re trying everything we can think of to get that sucker down too. We had to buy a generator because I work from home in the mountains-when weather gets bad here and we’re out of power I still need to be able to work. I’ve already had to use it and we’ve had it two weeks (our power grid here seems to be fragile)! Every time I got in my car I was afraid it would break down on me and as many times as I’ve fixed whatever issue it was that made the check engine light come on, it was something else that made it come back on. I was throwing gobs of money into that thing hoping I could pay it off soon and drive it for years more-send that car payment I was making to debt, but I had to break down and buy a new car. I downsized as best I could but the fact is now I have a payment for a few years instead of a paid-off car. Sigh… what’s coming next month? And Christmas! How will I even do a small Christmas this year??
I keep praying for guidance and peace, and to be shown the way that I can save myself from this – how will I ever get out of this debt crisis I’ve caused? We tithe and that’s very hard on me because I see that huge number every month and think, “I could pay everything off quick with that kind of payment towards debt”. I know I’m not supposed to think that way, give with an open heart, but I do struggle with this every payday when I send a wire to the Guatemalan church we support. Pray pray pray for some light into this black tunnel. Or should I say red tunnel…
I’m beating myself up every day, how could I have let this happen? I am smarter than this! But the fact is I did, so I’m working two jobs to try and rectify this and I’m utterly exhausted.
Money money money, must be sunny, in a rich mans world…