SparkyJen always has a refreshing take on the world, I absolutely adore her! She makes me smile and she makes me think and if you haven’t landed there yet, I hope that you will through here.
In her Truth Moment Monday post yesterday she brought me to a halt to ask myself the question – do I look back too much? I’m a dweller, a fester-er if you will… my girlfriend quite pointedly assigned the adjective, “Amandalyze” to my personal habit of obsessively re-doing and rethinking. Everything from what happened before…what they said then…what did that mean…
In my mind anything up ahead is better than the fire and brimstone of bad choices, ill-begotten dreams, dodgy relationships, and a myriad of other assorted stifling memories.
I mean, that’s me in a nutshell. I wouldn’t deem myself as a negative person, introspective sure, but not generally ‘glass-half-empty’ as a rule. But I must admit I do live in fear of my past and mistakes that haunt me – daring me to make them again. At times I often let that take over my thoughts if I find myself getting obsessive about something. The what if it happens again thought train running full steam ahead…
I don’t fear being turned into a pillar of salt, but I still feel that symbolically I will be punishing my future if I don’t truly believe that a better future is promised, and keep moving forward.
Punishing my future…what a perfect way to look at it…because that’s what I am doing, isn’t it? Setting myself up for a repeat of failures and mistakes and effectively blemishing any successes with the taint of bad history. Fear is like a maggot on your life, just eating away at the promises of the future.
So mark that one up for my self-evolution. To stop looking behind me, stop expecting the worst, and maybe then will I stop the cycle of promising myself I will make the same mistakes and dooming myself to, in fact, make them.
How about you? Do you live in the past a little too much? Is fear of failure your driver?