Uneven Road

It’s 7 o’clock and I find I have a whole hour and a half to myself before I have to hit the hay. Dinner is blessedly leftovers and chores are done. Work is still ongoing from today but I’ve decided that what’s come in is not urgent and can be dealt with in the morning. Wine and WordPress, yes please!

Have I mentioned I like getting up at 4am every day? This from the 6am snooze-zombie herself, I never thought in a million years I could pull this off for a long period of time. But seriously, having two-and-a-half extra hours to my day is such a huge pendulum swing in the right direction for that little thing called “life-balance” I’ve been trying to achieve for so long. Now how does one add two and a half hours if your compensating by going to bed earlier? I don’t know, but it feels like it does.  Still, there are some things that I’ve sacrificed to make this time adjustment, things I have to start slowly putting back into my day. Time on my blogs is one of them. Writing…reading my Bible…housework…laundry…but otherwise I’ve done pretty good with creating a semblance of control by managing my time lately

However…

There’s a lot of change on the horizon for 2017 for me. A lot, in every facet of my life. If I think about it too hard-like I am now-I feel I’m on a precipice but I don’t know what’s down below. It makes me disoriented… I mean, I have a real case of vertigo when it comes to my immediate future.  I should know, that’s what it means to have a plan-to drive your own bus-right?

The Road is uneven below my feet.  And I’m afraid I am going to stumble pretty hard somewhere, in some area or another. The odds are in favor of something falling apart right, just… where? Is that pessimism or just fear of failure? Hmmm, maybe a pessimistic view towards my aptitude for failure…

I came into 2017 with a raging plan to have a plan. And as I hold my pen this first week of the year and think about all of the change coming my list of stuff to “plan” for definitely makes my eyes glaze over. It’s like looking into the garage filled with 20 years of accumulated crap and trying to figure out how you’re going to clean it up and organize it. I know, I know, one box at a time, but seriously I don’t have that luxury right now, it’s all of the boxes at once. I’m okay with the work, I am just not sure how to be most efficient with my time and energy to get all of these things accomplished.  And to do it ‘like a boss’, as they say.

I guess I do it like I always do, dig in and dig deep.  And just hope, just hope I can keep both feet on the ground, as uneven as it may be.  I’m sure I will stumble, but let’s just see if I can get through without falling and breaking something important. Control. My weakness, my strength.

The Road to There 2017. You just may be my most challenging year yet.

Uneven

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6 comments

  1. Really enjoyed your post! I think the word is Anxiety? Not knowing or knowing. Some people are just blessed with no fear or worries. The rest of us are running through “What if’s” in our head like a super computer. You should be commended for taking action to achieve your goal(s). That’s more than most do!

    Perhaps (my opinion), you can use your leadership and “boss” skills and muster the services of the others in the family to help make daily life easier by taking some of your tasks off your plate?? Consider it a learning experience towards becoming an adult for the kids? There is a very simple reason farmers had big families – more hands!

    Here is a quote I love, but haven’t always abided by – “What have you done today to make your dreams come true?”.

    When you get old waking up early just happens. I have tried to use it to help my writing. Perhaps you would like to check out Thereluctantpoetweb.wordpress.com to see it has been helpful? Ha! I will follow you to stay up on “what’s happening”.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Anxiety is a good word to describe it, I agree. The ‘what if’ circle is maddening in my head for sure. I’m a pretty good delegator but most of these things that are coming are either completely on me to do-career, house purchase, etc. they have a few extra house chores though, lol! I will definitely visit/follow your blog-I love new friends ☺️

      Liked by 1 person

      1. That “what if” circle is no fun for sure! My wife and I both struggled through it during an extreme family crisis with older relatives. Mine stopped afterwards but my wife’s didn’t. She was able to find almost complete relief with an acupuncturist. I was doubtful but you can’t argue with results??? Sometimes you just have to make a decision tree and then adopt the Que Sera, Sera attitude (one of Doris Day’s famous songs). I’m thinking the Serenity Prayer is helpful but it didn’t work for me in our situation, but afterwards it did.

        I love new friends too. Thanks for visiting my blog. I will be following you on your journey.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. I can so relate to this post Amanda and the uncertainty that you’re feeling as the year looms ahead. That’s how I feel too, like the road is uncharted and full of detours and not quite knowing where it’s going to take us. But I have a feeling it’s going to be somewhere good. Here’s to looking ahead to a great year and hopes and dreams coming true. xo

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I hope both our roads take us to good places this year Miriam. All we can do is work hard, pray, and hope for the best. You said it best ‘uncharted territory’-ain’t that the truth! I just hope I’m not challenged too too much, I feel like I’ve paid some dues these last couple of years and wouldn’t mind a little rest, lol. We’ll see about that!

      Liked by 1 person

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