What a week it’s been! The time change has me feeling like an old fart because I’ve been going to bed at such early hours. When it’s so dark early the internal clock is like “ok, 4 hours since sunset, time for beddie-bye”. Im trying to climb into bed before the kids have to go to sleep for school the next day! Ha!
So the last two or three weeks have been incredibly reflective for me. Deep reflection and the kind that you don’t want to write about to express to the world all of your uglies and conversations with God. The Lord above knows I’ve shared plenty out loud as it is. Maybe a bit more than I should, but…you’re all family so it’s all good. And thank you family for lending me your ears, hearts, and prayers these last few – they were felt and I am thankful for each of you for your love.
I will share that spent a lot of time asking God to show me my purpose and passion. What am I supposed to be doing because guys, I am aimless and really don’t know. It’s ridiculous really. 38 and a 9 month journey and I still don’t know ‘what’s next’. I have career plans, yes. But I have no personal plans or focus for my life. So am looking up for the guidance I need. I should have been doing that all along. Instead I’ve been trying to drive my bus without a map, compass, or the gasoline called faith. What a fool I’ve been.
I signed up for some volunteer work with a few organizations and I have in my mind that the hubby and I are doing another mission trip to Guatemala next November. But to be honest I kind of feel like the volunteer work is just filler time for me while I still try to figure myself out. Do some good in the world until I get guidance from above. Maybe He’ll speak to me soon and show me the way He wants me to go.
I’m less terrified about the prospect of starting the new house shopping in March as I have been. I think maybe because I was harboring the financial secret that I was, I knew it would be harder for us. But all is not lost, we can still keep with our plan. I’m thinking I might actually start to be excited as it gets closer to time.my husband and are finally on the same page about the house we’re looking for, no longer the unicorn my husband was insisting we had to find. Closer to what I want for us yet still in line with his ‘gotta haves’ which have been (thankfully) amended to match reality.
So this cup is for you in thanks. Thank you for sticking with me through my short absence and thank you for following along in my trail of tears as of late. I think my cup is full now, even if I don’t know where I’m stepping out to next, I’m firmer in my faith than I’ve ever been. And know I will be where I’m supposed to be when I’m supposed to be there – because I’m listening.
What’s your ‘next’? Maybe it might spark some ideas for me, you never know. 🤗