I write tonight without an idea in my mind or a plan for what to write. So I’ll just…write.
With an array of technical woes over the course of the last two weeks, of which I’ll spare you the mundane details, I’ve been absent from my WordPress family – my greatly missed tribe. To that end, I’ve not written a word either, here or even in my journal. Half of me just doesn’t want to read the thoughts from my heart right now…
For someone who really has to have some semblance of control, I feel extremely displaced, off-track, and doing exactly what I have so furtively been trying not to do anymore, which is letting life drive the bus. When I say everything in my life is off the rails right now, I do mean almost everything. Work, money, weight, fitness, kids, chores, money (yeah I know I said that one already)…
On my 7 hour trip home tonight I did a couple of hours of hard thinking about how to get back behind my own wheel. I found myself so angst-ridden after a bit I decided that I was either going to have to stop the car and throw up or, as I opted for instead, to just pop in my headphones and turn Audible on to escape my spiraling mind trip. My therapist might have some seriously stern words for me about what a mess I seem to have made for myself, and so swiftly, the next time we meet. My ducks are not in any kind of row right now. None of them.
I wholeheartedly wanted to write a bright and sunny post tonight. Something joyful and inspiring! But I myself feel like I’m caved in and my walls are closing in still. I am hard-pressed to see the tiny lights filtering through the cracks and letting just enough oxygen in for me to breathe. And I’m quite literally hiding, not even my husband is aware of the extent of my stress. Why I share it even here is making me wonder… maybe the simple need to connect and tell someone what I’m feeling?
So beyond my blabbering on about my chaotic state of affairs right now, I pose the question to you my dear friend, are you letting life drive the bus? Oh I so hope the answer is no. But if the answer is yes or maybe or I don’t know, find your quiet spot, say your prayers, and get yourself back into the driver’s seat before you’re journaling posts like this one.
Thank you for sharing a cup with me tonight, and even though I wasn’t the best company, I hope that I leave you feeling reflective of your own Road. Tomorrow is a new day, eh? 😉