I had, dare I say, a TERRIFIC therapy session tonight. (Yes I see a therapist…everybody should…work it out…)
We covered a lot of ground! We covered work, my parents, my childhood-which totally sounds stereotypical as hell, but trust me when I say that in the 3 years I’ve been going we really haven’t touched my childhood or relationship with my parents at all. Come to think of it, I wonder why not… But I digress. We covered writing too! My eagerness to write stellar pieces (and a book) that engage people into having conversation. I love the conversations and connections! It brings me such joy, it truly does. The blogosphere rocks!
Okay, so at some point in my session-I honestly don’t remember at which point-she yelled at me and said “Stop starting from the finish line! Embrace the journey!” I just stared at her for a minute and then burst out laughing. Why? Because that’s my biggest problem. And in three years I haven’t made any progress in this area at all.
I literally do not know how to do anything half way. Look, this may sound like a good thing, but I’m here to attest that this is not always a good thing. Especially as it’s coupled with a fear of failure, I therefore have a big fat failure to launch problem. Zero to sixty in 2.2 seconds, or it’s not even worth the gas.
Why, why, why do I expose my uglies to you here? And sound excited about it to boot! I think it’s that failure to launch aspect that may well be playing its tune to my writing, more rather the lack of decent writing as a whole. Did I just say ‘more rather’? Hmm, Steven Sawyer will get itchy reading this post from me tonight (sorry, not sorry buddy, but forgive me anyway pretty please).
Yes I want a finished book already. And I hope it’s good, that somebody wants to read it. I’ve decided to post excerpts here and there in another section of this blog soon. Y’all can tell me if it’s any good or if it really should be scrapped. Be gentle..lol
I’ve decided to – in my head at least – make writing, as in the process, the finish line. Even NASCAR goes around and around the same track (which seems like forever and a drone) to get the checkered flag at the end. I’m going to take some recent advice and flash-write for awhile. Random stuff but writing nonetheless. I apologize in advance but (yes I’m about to say the J-word Rae-Anne) I am embracing my journey. My own therapy quest for freedom – sans the ‘you’re the expert now’ perfectionist’s finish line.
What can it hurt-I turn out some crap but maybe I’ll turn out some golden nuggets once in awhile too.
My bus down The Road just turned into moped. Smell the air and toddle along.