You know, I start all of these drafts and never publish them. Honest I do. I’m a fraidy-cat it seems. What if someone reads this? I seem to have forgotten that this is MY space, my one spot in the universe to say what I want about whatever I want. Just write!
Centrally focused on my mission, and the whole reason I started this blog to begin with, I find myself in a pretty icky funk. Why do I still not have any answers?! I am literally no further along The Road than when I set in motion this journey. Worse, I’m all depressed about it. I think the reason I’m blue is because I keep reading these books and they’re enlightening and all, but still. Ask me what I’m good at, what I love to do, what my dreams are-and I still couldn’t give you an answer to any of those. And why the F not? What is my problem?
I can’t seem to write it down.
When it comes to articulating my strengths, weaknesses, loves, interests, etc., seriously I get total writers block. As I’ve pondered this a lot over the weeks – especially during my alone time on the beach last week – I honestly wonder if this is a self-confidence deficiency.
Yes, I have come so far since my Jump, but really – it’s apparent I haven’t come far enough. It doesn’t help that I am struggling with my demons so bad right now. The more I read about letting the past go, the more mine seems to want to rear it’s ugly head at me and beat the shit out of my short-comings, fears, and insecurities. It’s actually been paralyzing and my momentum has come to a halt. In ALL areas of my life.
Doesn’t do much for a gal’s journey forward, ya think?
So here’s what I’m going to do. I’m going to write. In a journal-for all of those things I just can’t expose to the world-and on my blogs, no more hiatus.
This is my space. Where I am and also here, where I know I am supported and cheered by the amazing you.