My Space

You know, I start all of these drafts and never publish them. Honest I do. I’m a fraidy-cat it seems. What if someone reads this? I seem to have forgotten that this is MY space, my one spot in the universe to say what I want about whatever I want. Just write!

Centrally focused on my mission, and the whole reason I started this blog to begin with, I find myself in a pretty icky funk.  Why do I still not have any answers?! I am literally no further along The Road than when I set in motion this journey. Worse, I’m all depressed about it. I think the reason I’m blue is because I keep reading these books and they’re enlightening and all, but still. Ask me what I’m good at, what I love to do, what my dreams are-and I still couldn’t give you an answer to any of those. And why the F not? What is my problem?

I can’t seem to write it down. 

When it comes to articulating my strengths, weaknesses, loves, interests, etc., seriously I get total writers block.  As I’ve pondered this a lot over the weeks – especially during my alone time on the beach last week – I honestly wonder if this is a self-confidence deficiency.

Yes, I have come so far since my Jump, but really – it’s apparent I haven’t come far enough. It doesn’t help that I am struggling with my demons so bad right now.  The more I read about letting the past go, the more mine seems to want to rear it’s ugly head at me and beat the shit out of my short-comings, fears, and insecurities. It’s actually been paralyzing and my momentum has come to a halt. In ALL areas of my life.

Doesn’t do much for a gal’s journey forward, ya think?

So here’s what I’m going to do. I’m going to write. In a journal-for all of those things I just can’t expose to the world-and on my blogs, no more hiatus.

This is my space. Where I am and also here, where I know I am supported and cheered by the amazing you. 

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18 comments

  1. I think writing is healthy. Wether it’s on a public blog for the world to see or in your personal journal. It heals the soul.

    Like

  2. I have said those words and felt those feelings so often. My blog is a freedom I could never have imagined. You are supported and cared about here! Do not stop. Please keep writing about your feelings. Because when you have the courage to do this? Then I selfishly gather that courage and strength to speak MY truth…and then maybe someone reading my words will have the courage and strength to speak their truths. Please keep writing and I will keep writing too! And I’m sending hugs even though I don’t know you…I know your struggle.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. I wish I could like this more than once. I don’t know how it is for non-writers, but I do believe that writing is the best way to figure things out for yourself, even if you’re speaking to someone else. I haven’t been blogging for that long, but part way along this very short journey of mine I realized just that–even though I’m speaking to the blogoshpere, I’m figuring things out for myself that I’ve always wondered.

    Liked by 2 people

  4. If it becomes more understandable and tangible if you write it down then do so. Don’t worry about what others might want you to write or worry about what you feel you should write. Just write and whether it is published is your call. Keep it in a diary or put it in the blog, either way, GET IT DOWN!!

    Liked by 3 people

  5. Some others have already given you great advice. I tend to agree.

    Writing down your thoughts – whether in a personal journal or on your blog – is soothing in itself. It can also help you better understand what you’re thinking. Sometimes, it helps you deal with a problem and know how to proceed.

    It’s your choice if you want to share those feelings with the world, but you’re under no pressure. Whatever you share, I love your easy writing style. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much, what a great compliment! Yes, I’ve never been good at keeping a written journal up, but I have begun so let’s see. I am reading a great book now that’s helping guide some inner reflection of myself and I am hoping that helps.

      Liked by 1 person

  6. Bah! Talk about learning about ourselves… it can just go on and on! Or it might take one moment. I guess all we can do is keep moving forward little by little… we will all get there 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I think maybe the hardest part is trying to define yourself, eh? Sometimes I wonder what that even means, and what’s true today doesn’t necessarily mean it’s true tomorrow…I’d be happy with just today at least, lol. Thank you!

      Liked by 1 person

  7. Sometimes writing just opens up things in us. Don’t be scared Amanda, just be yourself and enjoy your space. It’s yours to do with what you want. And we’re all behind you anyway. Hugs. xo

    Liked by 1 person

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