“Nothing” Overwhelming

At the risk of sounding like a martyr, I feel put-upon these days. Well… Not really… Maybe. Following along? Yeah, me neither. 

I have shit going on in so many directions, shit on my mind, and I’m not really at a mental capacity to deal with any of it at the moment. All that being said, if I break it all down into little pieces…examine them one by one by themselves, none of it is something worth stressing over. Any piece by itself is actually nothing really. 

But one drop in the water causes the ripple effect, doesn’t it? Unfortunately my drop in the water right now is mania.  Yup. Much like this post, I’m all over the place emotionally. And all of this nothing  is overwhelming the hell out of me. I’m not depressed by any means, just zapped I guess is the best description for it. 

Every night when I hit the bed I feel as though I haven’t slept in days and wake up feeling like it’s only been an hour. My runs are crap (when I am able to get them in), I haven’t made it to kickboxing in almost two weeks, my porch project is stalled, my house is a wreck, and reading anything has been impossible. 

My “Road” has a little guy holding a stop sign in front of me. Get out of my way dude, I’ve got to keep driving!

So I am making little goals for each day to try and get me back on track. Saturday I don’t think I have to be anywhere, so I am going to wake up at the crack of dawn and get to work painting the concrete on my porch. It may sound weird, but I think if I can get that much done, I might feel a little more in control of things. And less overwhelmed -for that simple thing – control.  When you feel like you don’t have it, little things like this can make a huge difference. 

I sure am hopeful…

What do you do, when you feel overwhelmed, to gain perspective and take back control?

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8 comments

  1. I think you are on the right track and hope the painting helps. For me, I first I try to do something to clear my head that I enjoy or at least it helps me clear my head which at the current moment is running. Then I try to start from ground zero and pick one project/task that I feel won’t take much time so I can get a small win. Then after that, I am hopeful that the rest starts to fall into place as I gain momentum or am on a roll at that point.

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  2. Writing and music are my therapies, but other than those, I have nothing magical. Time. Sleep. Allowing myself to do nothing and feel crappy until I don’t anymore (and which of course, makes me feel guilty. . .). Thinking of you–xoxo

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    1. I totally get the feeling guilty for doing nothing days!! I did that (sort-of) last night and feel guilty about it as I look at my laundry piles and messy house, lol.

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  3. I take a sick day from work. I give myself permission to have no “to do” list. If all I do is sleep most of the day, then it is what I needed. If I get caught up on reading, or exercise, or cook a big batch of something, then it is because I want to and not because I am putting pressure on myself to get it done. Take care!

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  4. Ah…control. I just had this conversation with my daughter who’s currently in a big pile of ‘yuck’. The biggest thing I’ve done for myself is giving up the need to control anything. I noticed you have one of Gay Hendrick’s books on your list so this will be extra meaningful to you. His wife Katie posted on Facebook “Drop being right like a pencil.” Control is the need for rightness so I took that image of a pencil and engraved my worries on it and then watched myself drop it. It has literally changed my life. When I do get stuck, painting or any sort of creativity is the key to unlock my stuckness because sometimes I cannot figure out what I need to put on the damn pencil. Art therapy, my own informal version, has also changed my life. Assembling color and texture and pattern, or even painting a porch, is peace-bringing. Sometimes, I crave it like chocolate. Control really is an illusion so letting go of it also unhooked so much of the fear, anxiety, depression, and self-loathing I had been carrying around my whole life.

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    1. I like to paint and haven’t done it since February. Maybe I need to get out my brushes and canvas, eh? I will put that book in my read list for sure! Reminds me- I really do have to get my book list and reviews up on here…

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  5. It is so tough when we feel like we are no longer in control of what we want to achieve. I am walking in just under 6 weeks and I have let my training slide so much that I am totally scared at the prospect and it is freaking me out beyond belief.
    I totally understand where you are coming from Amanda and all I can say is that we do get through to the other side.
    Simply do as you are thinking of doing and I promise all will be well.

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