I know I’ve mentioned in detail here about how I am an all or nothing kind of gal. It’s actually not always a good thing. Let me tell you why.
A girlfriend of mine once described me as being like a bull dog- once I sink my teeth into something I just do not let go. But actually, I’m more like the dog playing with his pull-toy and when it gets yanked out of his mouth he just quits playing altogether…
I am an obsessive. I always, always have something I’ve got my thumb in to. Tunnel vision, I’m all in for that one thing – or worse, set of things – and everything else just falls to the wayside.
*cough, blog, cough*.
Ahem, as I was saying… But my biggest problem with this is, it’s always larger than life in my head – unrealistic expectations that often result in failure because said expectations were..well, unrealistic. And then “I quit. Moving on!” And so sets the dynamic of the last 38 years of my life.
So here I find myself with my thumb into a number of things again, and all of them (for the first time actually) I’m in love with. Blogging, yoga, kickboxing, running, front porch project, and meditation. Oh yeah, I have a very demanding job too. I am trying very very hard not to balls-to-the-wall on any of them, for fear of making it too big and just stop doing either of them. So, pacing myself. Trying to.
I honestly don’t know how.
The hubs had his panties in a wad last week in general, but in a momentary tantrum he was having (literally) he blurted out that I am letting everything else besides (see above list) fall out of my line of site. Yes he was specifically pissed about me not doing my general daily chores – but it got me worried. Well it got me pissed! But still thoughtful.
Am I not pacing myself as much as I thought I was? I thought I was doing so good! Busy as hell but managing. Am I being too selfish or focusing too much on myself? Do I just need to find more balance…somehow?
Balance. Sounds like ‘sacrifice’ really. Even if I just give a little bit in each area I’m a threat to lose momentum. And personal flaw- if I don’t have momentum I just stop and find the nearest couch to take a nap. That was both literal and metaphorical. I just stop. And well… I don’t want to stop. Any of it. I’m doing so great! Physically, mentally, creatively… Happy juices all over the place!
I guess the bottom line is that I have to figure out what balance means in the phase of life I’m in right now. Without letting go of my proverbial pull-toy and stop playing. That’s not an option.
Advice? Reality check? Cheers? What do you think balance means to an obsessive like me?