Balance – WTF does THAT mean?

I know I’ve mentioned in detail here about how I am an all or nothing kind of gal. It’s actually not always a good thing. Let me tell you why. 

A girlfriend of mine once described me as being like a bull dog- once I sink my teeth into something I just do not let go. But actually, I’m more like the dog playing with his pull-toy and when it gets yanked  out of his mouth he just quits playing altogether…

I am an obsessive. I always, always have something I’ve got my thumb in to. Tunnel vision, I’m all in for that one thing – or worse, set of things – and everything else just falls to the wayside. 

*cough, blog, cough*. 

Ahem, as I was saying…  But my biggest problem with this is, it’s always larger than life in my head – unrealistic expectations that often result in failure because said expectations were..well, unrealistic. And then “I quit. Moving on!”  And so sets the dynamic of the last 38 years of my life. 

So here I find myself with my thumb into a number of things again, and all of them (for the first time actually) I’m in love with. Blogging, yoga, kickboxing, running, front porch project, and meditation.  Oh yeah, I have a very demanding job too.  I am trying very very hard not to balls-to-the-wall on any of them, for fear of making it too big and just stop doing either of them. So, pacing myself.  Trying to. 

I honestly don’t know how.

The hubs had his panties in a wad last week in general, but in a momentary tantrum he was having (literally) he blurted out that I am letting everything else besides (see above list) fall out of my line of site. Yes he was specifically pissed about me not doing my general daily chores – but it got me worried.  Well it got me pissed! But still thoughtful. 

Am I not pacing myself as much as I thought I was? I thought I was doing so good! Busy as hell but managing. Am I being too selfish or focusing too much on myself? Do I just need to find more balance…somehow?  

Balance. Sounds like ‘sacrifice’ really. Even if I just give a little bit in each area I’m a threat to lose momentum. And personal flaw- if I don’t have momentum I just stop and find the nearest couch to take a nap. That was both literal and metaphorical. I just stop. And well… I don’t want to stop. Any of it. I’m doing so great! Physically, mentally, creatively… Happy juices all over the place!

I guess the bottom line is that I have to figure out what balance means in the phase of life I’m in right now. Without letting go of my proverbial pull-toy and stop playing. That’s not an option. 

Advice? Reality check? Cheers? What do you think balance means to an obsessive like me?


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15 comments

  1. Wow. I think of myself as a unique kind of person mostly, but this is such an accurate portrayal of myself that it scares me! I too struggle with an all or nothing obsessiveness, and sometimes win in the fight against it and sometimes don’t.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I know exactly what you are going through and I am experiencing the same myself. We had no energy for years and were happy with the mundane, now we have energy we want to conquer the world and that is a reasonable thing to want.
    BUT.
    We must learn that we cannot conquer if we do not take things one at a time, if we do not allow ourselves rest, if we do not priorotise because boy, I can guarantee you, there are people who have never been as big as us that do NOWHERE near as much as we now do.
    I am finding that I go and go and go until I am worn out. I am now called a machine. I never quit, I just do it until it is done.
    We have to understand that we cannot live like this, we must learn to pace ourselves and get prioroties straight.
    But it is hard when you have energy isn’t it!!!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I think it’s more a personality thing for me and a direct side effect of the other thing I’ve talked about before on the other blog. The focus is on health now, but it’s always been something I’m bull-dogging. But yes, the energy levels now definitely contribute to the ability to actually accomplish them…I think…lol! I think we have to make sure we don’t turn into ‘machines’ don’t we?

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Oh, I can relate to this way too much. Finding my path and working out my purpose, big changes are in the air. Being a Libran, I feel as though balance is my middle name. Take care 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  4. If it feels good do it, thats my take on it, you find your own balance as you go along ! Some things we can, some things we can’t, but you will know your own limits, and there is nothing wrong with giving some thing up, if its just not right at this moment in time……..its your choice, remember we always have a choice.
    Brooke

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Hi Amanda, I can totally relate to all or nothing sometimes black or white, which means I have a hard time living in the grey. This is perfectionism, especially with unrealistic goals. It can be hard and uncomfortable living in the grey area but it is less stressful

    Like

  6. Hiya…I’m visiting from the Bloggers Meetup. I read your WTF post with interest. Then I read your questions at the end. I really wouldn’t want to tell you what “balance” means to y-o-u, but I can say that you already know the answer. Knowing the answer is not accepting the answer. It’s not only being aware, it’s deciding once and for all to put strategies in place that will allow y-o-u to experience a new way of Being with yourself. You’ve got the tools. You are already the user.

    Are you visual? If so, do a throwback and get yourself a tiny scale to put in your line of sight on a regular basis. If you’re auditory, put some pennies on your scale and balance it that way. If you’re more of a kinesthetic person (touchy-feely), use a shoulder bag. Put some heavy things in it and attempt to balance your body with one side weighted and off center. It will definitely move you to empty contents for rebalanciing f-a-s-t.

    Highest and Best!

    Like

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