Dear Diary

From our weekly prompts at The Bloggers Meetup. (If you haven’t joined the fun yet, please take a click on over to our baby, but blossoming, community blog).

Dear Diary,

During a general conversation about nothing in particular, a friend made me reminisce of where I was just three years ago.  For my 35th birthday, I took the day off of work and proceeded to get myself good and toasted, although not in celebration.  I was depressed.  With a capital D.  I saw myself and my life, where I was supposed to be at 35 and where I wasn’t, and cried the ‘tears into my beers’ about it.

My demands were of a different order.  I was supposed to be making 6 figures by then or own my own business.  I was supposed to have the house and the picket fence and spend every break the kids had at a beach house somewhere.  I was supposed to have a healthy portfolio, retirement plans, savings accounts.  I don’t know why I was diluted by the expectation of an upper-class American Dream.

Pitiful.  I am ashamed of my former self for that pity party.  But it got me thinking about the expectations I set upon myself then.  Perhaps that’s where life is different for me now.  I have no expectations for where I need to be, where I’m supposed to be, or even where I want to be.  I simply want to be happy and fulfilled and doing good by others in my life.  That is the only expectation I have for myself and for my future.  Is it this that is making the difference in my perspective on my life now?

Demands of daily life are unavoidable, for sure.  I love my job but know I would quit in a heartbeat if my bills paid themselves from the bottomless pit of money I might have found under that rainbow last week. And yes, as yesterday’s post clearly depicts, I still set very high demands on myself, but really they are all short-term expectations like spring cleaning chores, projects, and such.  Goals and milestones…all very necessary for progressing forward in the walk of life.  BUT, they are not the tall orders of meeting some sort of ‘life status’ criteria anymore.

I’m still chasing my shadow, but it’s to step into the sun – not onto some pedastool of “success” – whatever that even means.

If you’re reading this and feeling bad about the place you’re at in life, take the expectations off of yourself for a moment and ask yourself how you feel then?  Would it be enough if you just asked for happiness and fruitful fulfillment from yourself?  

Advertisements

7 comments

  1. We’ve all been here Amanda, all of us!
    I am now 48 and only just at ease with myself and where I am with my life. Yes I would like other things to be in my life but I realise now what is important and feeling sorry for myself for not being a millionaire by the time I was 35 is not one of them.
    Trust me when I say, it all comes good in the end 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Life, is it really a sequential existence? It would be so boring. In the post you had link to “I am still chasing my shadows” post in which you had stated that you want to reach us and YOU. I think that is the most important statement that you had admitted to. I had found a lot of positives in your life as your children and an enjoyable job. You are lucky and believe me, my life is not perfects. I truly enjoyed your post and I am here.

      Liked by 3 people

      1. Thank you and yes, I do feel beyond blessed for what I have. I think I just felt like I wasn’t measuring up this weekend, certainly a case of the blues. Thankfully it has passed and I am back to my high-energy and positive state. Probably a ‘shoot-from-the hip post 😁

        Liked by 2 people

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s