Have you ever had a come back to something someone said, especially one that pissed you off to no end, just fester in your mind? I had one yesterday and it simmered all day long. Although my fuse was snuffed out later that evening, I want to dialogue about it anyway.
Word of advice: Don’t set expectations on the acts of kindness someone does for you – even if they do it regularly.
My husband has been in a foul foul mood all week. Like, I’m really ready to bonk him in the head to let him sleep it off for a couple of days. Seriously….
So in an effort to chip away at what exactly has been wrong with him, one thing he said was that I was part of the reason. So, of course I wanted to know what atrocity I had committed to contribute to his sour demenor.
I shit you not, these were his words:
You don’t have a commute anymore and you don’t have school, it’s not like you’re too bogged down to make my lunches, iced-tea, and coffee in the mornings! What, am I going to have to start getting the kids ready for school in the mornings too?
Loooong pause. Thoughts…Do I really put his ass back in his mommy-complex place this instant…or do I wait to do that until he’s in a better state of mind to feel my wrath more completely?
I chose the latter, because what I had to say didn’t need to get lost in the noise of a pissy mood. No, I wanted his undivided attention for this one. Can I just insert here that he will NOT do these things for himself if I don’t do them for him-he’ll just stop at the eatery twice that day. And insert here that domestic CEO is not my situation. I’m often in my office, albeit off the kitchen, well before everyone is even out the door and well after everyone’s home.
In the spirit of assuaging your curiosity, this is what I wanted to say:
I do those things most of the time because I want to make your morning a little easier to get out the door. You are fully capable of packing your own damn lunches during that time a few hours a night that you’re watching TV, by the way. But the moment you come to EXPECT me to do these things for you is the moment I STOP – because that’s the moment you are now taking advantage of the fact that I do them out of the love in my heart and NOT because it’s my <explicitive> DUTY!
Oh that feels much better.
Now, before you get too upset at my man – he called me several hours later and profusely apologized for acting like a complete tool during our previous chat. Apology was accepted AND because I wanted to show him I wasn’t going to be an ass about it, I got him out the door this morning, lunch tea and coffee in hand. But only because I wanted to.
What would you have said?