Say What?!

Have you ever had a come back to something someone said, especially one that pissed you off to no end, just fester in your mind? I had one yesterday and it simmered all day long.  Although my fuse was snuffed out later that evening, I want to dialogue about it anyway.

Word of advice: Don’t set expectations on the acts of kindness someone does for you – even if they do it regularly.

My husband has been in a foul foul mood all week. Like, I’m really ready to bonk him in the head to let him sleep it off for a couple of days. Seriously….

So in an effort to chip away at what exactly has been wrong with him, one thing he said was that I was part of the reason. So, of course I wanted to know what atrocity I had committed to contribute to his sour demenor.

I shit you not, these were his words:

 

 

You don’t have a commute anymore and you don’t have school, it’s not like you’re too bogged down to make my lunches, iced-tea, and coffee in the mornings! What, am I going to have to start getting the kids ready for school in the mornings too?

 

Loooong pause. Thoughts…Do I really put his ass back in his mommy-complex place this instant…or do I wait to do that until he’s in a better state of mind to feel my wrath more completely?

I chose the latter, because what I had to say didn’t need to get lost in the noise of a pissy mood. No, I wanted his undivided attention for this one.  Can I just insert here that he will NOT do these things for himself if I don’t do them for him-he’ll just stop at the eatery twice that day.  And insert here that domestic CEO is not my situation. I’m often in my office, albeit off the kitchen, well before everyone is even out the door and well after everyone’s home.

In the spirit of assuaging your curiosity, this is what I wanted to say:

I do those things most of the time because I want to make your morning a little easier to get out the door. You are fully capable of packing your own damn lunches during that time a few hours a night that you’re watching TV, by the way. But the moment you come to EXPECT me to do these things for you is the moment I STOP – because that’s the moment you are now taking advantage of the fact that I do them out of the love in my heart and NOT because it’s my <explicitive> DUTY!

Oh that feels much better.

Now, before you get too upset at my man – he called me several hours later and profusely apologized for acting like a complete tool during our previous chat. Apology was accepted AND because I wanted to show him I wasn’t going to be an ass about it, I got him out the door this morning, lunch tea and coffee in hand.  But only because I wanted to.

What would you have said? 

Drawing a Blank

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23 comments

  1. He was obviously having a bad week. I think, after initially being gobsmacked, I might have blown my stack. I have a fairly short fuse. But I’m lucky, my hubbs generally makes his own lunch. I do the kids and all the other running around but as he’s out the door by 6am he’s happy to do his own. 🙂 I think you handled the situation well.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Isn’t it funny (distinctly not funny) how when something becomes expected it feels like a chore instead of the pleasure it would be on any other day? Even when it’s not, love is so grand–it’s greater than gravity! 😉

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I think you did the right thing, you gave yourself time to calm a little, you thought it through, that’s why we are so good a spinning plates, we constantly multitask, but that does not mean we have to, we are just naturally good at it, ………..and others not so, and you recieved an apology, which shows we can all have a bad morning ! and there is love………………just one of those days

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Well done for remaining calm! I think I would have struggled.
    I actually found out the other day that someone had said something about me regarding a girl dating me. A friend had asked another friend if she would like to meet me and another one of their friends interrupted saying she knew me and that I wasn’t this girl’s type. She took it as read and declined. This sat in the back of my mind for a day until I raised the issue with the person who had told me. I asked her to tell the girl who had declined that the one who interrupted did not know me and I had never spoken to her before in my life so how she could know if I was someones type or not was beyond me! As soon as I had I felt better knowing that I had stood up for myself calmly and sensibly.
    People eh?!!!!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. i like your attitude in this situation and what you are doing for your marriage. You see your souse positively which is necessary for a successful marriage. Mutual love and respect are necessary. Taking the other for granted destroys a marriage. I hope he will realize you are a blessing to him.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much!! I am absolutely honored that you would nominate me, truly! I will definitely post on this tomorrow (I’ve got to think about those 10 things, lol). So happy to have met you too! You’ve made my night ☺️

      Liked by 1 person

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