Ever stretched out a rubber band between your thumbs and then just let one end go? It snaps back and stings for just a minute…
I am basking in the weightlessness of finishing my Masters Degree. Literally, it’s not even been 24 hours since my last class officially ended. Yet, I woke up on the right side of ‘leave me alone’ this morning. This day has been filled with events that should make me want to smile brightly and watch the blue birds fly around my head! My run today was my personal best, the SVP called my name out publicly to praise me at work, I finally got a piece of mail I’ve been anxiously awaiting, and the first book I want to read for this personal quest of mine arrived today. Yes, I am excited about each one of those things, but I am still in a very bad mood.
So after finally locking myself in my bathroom (my sanctuary) for fear of lashing out on my family because they were breathing in my general direction, I started Amandalyzing this mood that I can’t seem to shake and what seems entirely illogical.
I realize – I have been a stretched out rubber band for the last five years. I was in school full time while also working full time, raising a family, running a household and small cattle farm, and being the best wife and mother I possibly could. And I guess the moment school ended, the relief is just a natural side effect, but also – the proverbial rubber band has been released! And for a second, it is going to sting!
Thank goodness I have new ventures to put my motivation towards, because I honestly think that if I didn’t, I would just come to a complete halt. I wouldn’t know what to do with myself so I would essentially just shut down. At least I do know that of myself, I’m an all or nothing gal. And that is not always a good thing! I’ll explore more of that particular character trait of mine later, I’m sure.
So, I am fairly certain my need to be left alone today to do nothing and devote my attentions to no one is understandable. Just as long as this feeling is short-lived…
Have you ever felt completely tapped with nothing left in the tank for either yourself or others? Did you feel ashamed or rather justified?